Winning and Losing

Winning and losing

Everyone says they want to win, but how do you really do that?

Winning and losing is all about mindset and executing in the moment. You have to learn all the right things, and know how to compete. Once you have all of that down, winning is a matter of your skills (and luck) being better than the opponent(s).

Love to win or hate to lose

This section is my favorite because most people have never heard it. Before I describe what it is, think about all the games you play and answer to yourself: do you love to win? or do you hate to lose?

Most people will answer: “wtf? They’re the same thing. I like winning and I don’t like to lose.” That’s missing the subtlety of the question though.

I’m going to quote the words of another because he explained exactly what I want to already. (It’s a hockey analogy though)

[quote starts here]

"Do you love to win, or do you hate to lose?"

It's one of the all-time great scouting questions. Judging whether a kid can skate or shoot or see the ice is simple. Figuring out whether a kid loves to win or hates to lose? That's an art.

To the kid asked, it doesn't sound like it means all that much. But to the person asking, there's a huge difference.

Me, I love to win. And why not? It's fun. I love the camaraderie. But most of all, I love that everyone is in a good mood. That's pretty much my life's mission statement -- just be in the best mood possible, and be surrounded by people who are in good moods. We all have to deal with down times, but the way I see it, we should all be striving to make those average "meh" times good. It's why I love to win.

Of course, the previous paragraph is precisely why I'm useless at hockey.

One of the intangibles that elevates some guys is a healthy dose of that hate-to-lose fire. Scouts love to hear from a kid that he hates to lose.

Here's the difference: It's like putting a cupcake between a chubby kid from a mansion on the hill, and some wiry starving kid from the streets. They both want the cupcake. But our portly friend isn't fighting to the death over the damn thing. He might take a swing or two, but in the end, he knows if he doesn't get this one another will come along eventually. And that's when the wiry punk kicks him in the groin and one-bites the entire cupcake.

Scouts love that stuff.

Any scout can stare at big, strong, talented Taylor Hall(notes) and mumble out "bahhhh I think he's pretty good dere, boss." But their careers are built on finding Junk Punter (from the Netherlands) in the sixth round and having him transform himself with heart and desire into the player every organization would die for -- a guy like Pavel Datsyuk(notes).

I distinctly remember getting in a cage-punch-off with a college teammate who was a hate-to-lose-r. I finally snapped over him, treating every drill like the most important drill in the world. Like, hey, it's a 3-on-2 drill the day before a game, do you really need to be chopping my ankles?

But he did. He couldn't stand the thought of me being comfortable in front of his net. I thought he was psycho, but my coach thought he was making me better. And coach was right.

A seemingly endless number of talented people get left by the roadside because they haven't found an adequate way to turn their potential into success. The minor leagues are littered with those guys.

As someone who unfortunately never had that deep burning fire, I don't know where it comes from. I don't know if it's cultural, I don't know if it can be learned.

But I do know that if you're blessed to have it, it's a gift as valuable as hands, size or speed.

In a nutshell: It's Sidney Crosby of the Pittsburgh Penguins versus Joe Thornton of the San Jose Sharks. They're both great players, but I'm pretty sure we can all agree on which guy finds losing sickening. In the final minute of a tied game, if you chucked the two of them in a corner, I think Sid comes out with the cupcake the majority of the time. Even with the size difference.

...

It might be tough to tell if a kid means that he hates to lose when he says it, but his play will reveal the truth.

It's great to love to win, but it's better to hate to lose. [quote ends here]

Personal aside:

This article gets me fired up because I hate to lose. Hate it. I hate losing at cards. I hate losing at PvP. I just hate it. I will do everything in my power to not lose (within the rules, with good sportsmanship, and no gamesmanship).

Ever seen the movie Rudy? That is the quintessential “hate to lose” player. (Image from IMDB: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0108002/)

Control what you can control

The mindset that is taken into competition will make or break any individual that is competing. Going in with the attitude of wanting to make good mistakes will generate the most winning over the longest period of time. In the long run, you can only control what you do.

The 2 other things you can control during competition?

1. Jack.
2. Shit.

Focus in on your actions. You cannot make your team play better. You cannot make the game give you 5,000 points. You cannot hit an “IWIN!” button.

You can focus on your own mental attitude, and constantly making good mistakes and learning from them.

You never said a thing about winning!

Winning is just a point in time. There will always be more competition, and more people to compete against. Control the things you can control, compete hard, hate to lose, and practice hard; wins will start flowing out of that. Winning is just a result of all of those things coming together.